“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 5:5-6
I am not a patient person and never have been, yet my impatient tendencies don’t change the fact that God desires His children to patiently wait for Him. In the last year this has resulted in a lot of heart ache and pain for me. My emotional strain didn’t come because God asked for too much, it was because I wanted to resist the command to “Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord” (Psalm 27:14). I knew that raising up a team of prayer and financial partners would be difficult, but I didn’t know it would be the most humbling event that has ever come into my life.
In years gone past whenever I was asked how I made decisions I would say, “I ask the Lord for wisdom and then head in a direction knowing that if it isn’t God’s will then He will close the door.” This year God opened my eyes to how deficient my understanding is of how He works. What happens when God doesn’t close a door but things don’t happen as you thought they should? In my case, what happens when I feel God leading my family to Romania by opening up all the doors and then He doesn’t provide all the prayer and financial partners we need as soon as I thought He would. In years past I would assume that He is closing doors and leading my elsewhere.
Lately God has graciously been showing me that my entire understanding of how God works was built around my impatience. I didn’t want to wait for God’s timing many times so I would move onto other things. I would say that God isn’t opening doors and therefore He is leading me elsewhere. Instead of taking the opportunity to seek God and trust in His timing I would impatiently move on.
So at 28 I find myself realizing that I never knew what it meant to trust God. I never knew what it meant for God to be our “Rock”. It means that when all evidence points in a different direction, when you can see no hope on the horizon, when you can no longer see an end to the hardship, then and only then do you see that only God is a rock. God alone is the steadfast foundation we can rest on when all else points to despair.
After two months of traveling around the country Jamie and I have reached the point where we have contacted all the people we know. Our team of prayer partners is now close to 400 individuals and we have 44 committed monthly or yearly financial partners. We still need God to provide the other 67% of our monthly needs to serve full-time in Romania.
I can’t see what God is doing, but I know He hasn’t led our family elsewhere. We are to trust that He will provide our all of our needs regardless of the fact that it isn’t possible for us to do so. As Jesus says, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). Trusting God is an action not based on visible results or emotions. It is an action that rests on the character of God. It is saying that we believe God is sovereign, wise, loving, and good. Trusting God is saying, despite circumstances and despite what I see I know that God is trustworthy.
“Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10