Saturday, October 5, 2013

"I could look at you all night mommy!"


    I was recently asked how I like being a mommy.  Honestly, it is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I thought I was prepared, because I had a lot of experience with kids.  Nothing could have been further from the truth.  I was not prepared for how slow Beckham eats (most times he takes an hour to eat) nor for how much he resists going to sleep to the point that he could go a whole day without a nap.  While those things were and still are rather frustrating at times, I was completely unprepared for the sheer exhaustion that comes from night-time feedings.  
     Many nights I would plead with God to put Beckham to sleep.  It could take up to an hour to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night after he had nursed for an hour.  Falling asleep while holding the pacifier in his mouth to get him to sleep, he would stare wide eyed at me with a look of “I could look at you all night mommy.”  As cute as it was, I began to grow frustrated with my son and then even more frustrated with God.  “Lord, you are sovereign; You could put this child to sleep.  Why don’t you?  You promised to give sleep to your children and you are denying me sleep.  Why are you doing this to me?”
     This pleading continued for weeks until one night when I prayed, “God please put Beckham to sleep, I am just so tired.”  Then the Lord spoke.  He reminded me that He does not grow tired or weary.

     “Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired.  His understanding is inscrutable.  He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power.  Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary” (Isaiah 40:28-31).

     I can’t explain it other than the Holy Spirit began to work in my heart and that night my prayer changed to “God, You do not grow tired or weary and therefore I know you can give me the strength to stay up with this little guy.  Please give me the strength I need to care for him.”  He did.  God woke me up and enable me to gently care for Beckham in ways I had not been able to do before.  Since then He has continued to do so when I look to Him for strength.
     For weeks I wanted God to change Beckham so he would eat quicker and fall asleep faster.  Instead God showed me that I needed to humble myself and rely on Him for raising my son.  God has been teaching me that many times He doesn’t take the hardship away so that we will learn more about His character and how we can reflect Him to the world.  

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